“Clay” by James Joyce

Posted on by

“The women would have their tea at six o’clock and she would be able to get away before seven. From Ballsbridge to the Pillar, twenty minutes; from the Pillar to Drumcondra, twenty minutes; and twenty minutes to buy the things. She would be there before eight.”

I’m pointing this out because although the punctuation is close, it doesn’t hit the mark at all. First up is the “and” in the first sentence. It signals an upcoming new complete clause (a sentence—you can look up FANBOYS), so it would take a comma before it, as such:

“The women would have their tea at six o’clock, and she would be able to get away before seven.”

I started out being impressed with the use of semicolons to separate the “from and to” constructions until I got to the end of the phrase. That’s right! It is a phrase, not a sentence. It hangs there, begging for closure that the presented period does not provide. To have this work properly, it would have to go something like this or that:

“From Ballsbridge to the Pillar, twenty minutes; from the Pillar to Drumcondra, twenty minutes; and twenty minutes to buy the things—she would be there before eight.”

“From Ballsbridge to the Pillar, twenty minutes; from the Pillar to Drumcondra, twenty minutes; and twenty minutes to buy the things: She would be there before eight.”

T. S. Eliot

Posted on by

For I have known them all already, known them all:

Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;

I know the voices dying with a dying fall

Beneath the music from a farther room.

The punctuation, the pacing, the imagery, it’s all so wonderful. But what gets me here is the sentence, “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” That just takes my breath away.

The colon summaries the thoughts to come of what he has known already: “The evenings, mornings, afternoons”—Do you notice the order here? The semicolon separates the two full clauses, signifying that “I know the voices dying with a dying fall, beneath the music from a farter room is closely related to “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.”


I wasn’t clear about the last two lines, so I asked Copilot. Here was the reply:

“Those last two lines echo with such quiet devastation. Eliot’s “voices dying with a dying fall / Beneath the music from a farther room” feel like a moment suspended in dust and memory. He borrows that phrase “dying fall” from Shakespeare (Twelfth Night), where it describes music so delicately fading it tugs at the heart—and here, Eliot reshapes it into something lonelier and more estranged.

It’s like he’s saying: I hear life happening elsewhere… voices, beauty, connection—but it’s distant, and I’m not part of it. The music is in a “farther room,” beyond reach, emotionally and physically. That subtle spatial image implies not just separation, but exclusion. The speaker isn’t just observing—he’s on the outside, weighing his life in small, safe routines while something more vibrant whispers just out of view.

It’s an ache you can almost feel between the lines. Especially paired with those ‘coffee spoons’—measuring life not in passionate crescendos, but in quiet, habitual teaspoons of existence.”


https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/44212/the-love-song-of-j-alfred-prufrock

Websites and Other Content

Posted on by

Miscellaneous

5-STARS, September 26, 2020
Proofreading Job for a short document. “Diane did a great job under a very tight deadline. I enjoyed working with her and would certainly work with her again.”—Osamah Almuayyad

5-STARS
Internship at Southern New Hampshire University, “Diane Walters is the rare individual, who has a knack for creative ideas and unbelievably close attention to detail. She’s an excellent writer and editor, and is quite comfortable in providing proactive outreach for valuable source material for her writing.
Diane’s compassion is evident in the words she writes. She not only empathizes with the subjects she writes about, but also provides a fully fleshed portrait so others may connect and relate too.”—Pamme Boutselis

5-STARS, November 6, 2021, Short Report
Proofread and Edit Short Report, “”She was excellent and did a great job editing my report. I recommend and would work with her again.”—Liara Bramm

5-STARS December 17, 2019 Essay/Article
Article Editing “Diane was amazing. She was fast and provided excellent feedback and guidance for my article.”—Ben Carmitchel

5-STARS, September 27, 2020, Essays
Writer needed to revise of two essays. “Excellent work, very responsive! She took a short notice project that required a quick turnaround and revamped it. I usually would not ask for such a quick response, but I needed it this time and she delivered. She exceeded all expectations. I will definitely use her services for future projects. Outstanding!”—Gina Cotton

5-STARS, August 7, 2019, Academic Paper
Editor & Proofreader, “A+! Will work with again, Diane is outstanding.”—Yale Fox

5-STARS, October 6, 2019, Academic Paper
Editing, “A+++will work with again!”—Yale Fox

5-STARS, August 16, 2019, Various
Various Copywriting, “A+ Freelancer! Will work with again!”—Yale Fox

5-STARS, January 26, 2020 Newsletter
1.26.19 Newsletter “Great work. I would work with her in the future.”—Jay Johnson

5-STARS, December 4, 2019–December 10, 2019, Various
Quick Turn Proofreading TODAY (short docs, should be mininimal changes), “Great work across a large number of small documents.”—Richard Kurhajetz

5-STARS, September 20 2021, Meeting Minutes for School Board
Professional Editor for Private School Communications and Documents—Zack Lehman

5-STARS, October 19, 2020, Letter
Editing and Improving a letter to new workmates, “Great attitude, cared more about my product than getting an assignment. In fact, she told me outside of a few tweaks she’d be reitcent to charge a thing. Now the reality was that once we got going, she made it 10x better, so I’m happy I didn’t listen to her at the beginning and listened to her at every point subsequent. But Diane is great and responsive.”—Riley McCormack

5 STARS, October 20, 2020
Editing and improving a letter to new workmates, “Normally when people end a review they say “I’d use this person again” you never know if they really meant it. Well, this second review of Diane is because I actually did use her again. 12 hours later, Diane is that good. Thanks again Diane, for all your work, your availability, and your diligence. “—Riley McCormack


5-STARS, July 18, 2019
Proof-reading and syntax editing, “Dissertation Proposal”
—Martin Lee Quinn

5-STARS, July 31, 2019 Annual Report
Copy editing and Proofing, “Diane did wonderful work on editing our annual report.”—Christina Rehklua

5-STARS, August 15, 2019—August 19, 2019, Corvalis Visitor’s Guide
“Diane is a pleasure to work with. She is very thorough in her review and offers great suggestions. I would definitely recomment working with her to others.”—Christina Rehklua

5-STARS, September 12, 2021, Grant Application Letter
Proofing & Editing a Letter of Support, “”Diane always does a great job. She turned this project around quickly for me. I will definitely use her for future projects.”—Christina Rehklua

5-STARS, November 27, 2020, Document
Editing & Proofreading, “Great work! I certainly will use your services again.”—Evelyn Skon

5-STARS, December 4, 2019
Book Review Edit, “Diane Walters is an excellent editor. She’s easy and fun to work with, and highly efficient. I’ll definitely recommend her and work with her again.”—Vashti Quiroz-Vega

5-STARS, February 3, 2020 Various
Professional Editor needed for editing reviews and questionaires, “It’s a pleasure working with Diane. I look forward to working with her again.”—Vashti Quiroz-Vega

5-STARS, March 26, 2020
Book Reviews Edits, “I’ve worked with Diane several times, and she never disappoints. She’s professional, effecient, and very likable. I will definitely work with her again.”—Vashti Quiroz-Vega

5-STARS, June 6, 2020
Book Reviews Edits, “Diane is always a pleasure to work with. She is professional, efficient, and kind. She is also very knowledgeable and skillful. I will be hiring her again.”—Vashti Quiroz-Vega

5-STARS, October 27, 2020, Personal Statement
Editing for Personal Statement, “My freelancer did perfect, nailed everything that I need it, she has so much patient and dedication, I could not ask for more! I love her approach, she’s very intelligent and detail. She makes an effort to accomplish your point of view and the tasks need it for your work. I will definitely work with her again. She was sent from heaven. I really need it to finish the paper and she edit it in 40 minutes. Also she is very kind and friendly. 1,000 stars!!!”—Maria Rojas

5-STARS, November 19, 2021, Research
Researcher for public health statistics, “Diane was easy to work with. She was open to feedback and did as many revision as were needed to come to the final product.”—Ester Shock

5-STARS, February 2, 2022
Proofread and tighten research report, “”Diane is my go-to editor anytime I need work reports proofread. She has consistently been pleasant to work with, fair with her pricing, responds promptly, and is an amazing editor! I really appreciated her quick turnaround for this project, which had time constraints. My report flows and is easy to read and, thanks to Diane, I have peace of mind that my report is error free! Thank you!”—Jason Smith

5-STARS, December 2020
Edit Recommendation Letter, “Wonderful!”—Polina Smith

Press Releases

♦ – Introducing Latiner —the First Latina-created Dating App for Latino and Hispanic Singles

♦ – lessersound™ Creates the “Color of Sound™” for H-I-P and H-A-R-P

White Papers

5-STARS, October 20, 2020
Editing/Proofreading, “Thank you, Diane. I love working with you.”—Georgie Badiel

♦ –Three Truths for the Future of Education by Julie Jungalwala and Julie Stern

5-STARS, September 21, 2020, Report
Proofreading – Research Report. “Diane was a delight to work with. She is extremely thorough and knowledgeable. She completed the proofreading assignment faster than originally estimated. She communicates well throughout the process. She is a delight to work with, and I will look forward to working with her again.”—Mark Logan

♦ – “HIV & OUD Workforce Needs Final Report” by Mark Logan at Idealect

WEB CONTENT

5-STARS, November 20, 2020, Documents for Website
proofreading for my website, “Great work quality! Very responsive and does the needed tasks very fast and efficient! I highly recommend her services.”—Faisal M

5—STARS March 7, 2018
Proofreader to Edit Website Content—”One of the Best Proofreader I Work With.”—Pankaj Mohindru, BrickRed Systems

♦ – BrickRed Systems https://brickredsys.com/ (website edit and update)

5—STARS May 5, 2018
I Want Someone to Proofread and Fix My Sales Pitch—”Diane is Awesome! She’s fast and does her research on your product and gives you her feedback.”—Steven Chew

♦ – Clubbing441 Promotional Flyer Edit by Steven Chew

♦ – “Good Wife — Bad Wife” by Raj Davis

5—STARS January 17, 2018–January 23, 2018
Proofread Our e-Book Marketing Piece—“Thanks so much for the speedy and thorough work! Will let you know when we need your assistance on another marketing piece like this. :-D!”—Mark Corrigan, Impetus

♦ – Impetus – Complimentary Guide to Authentic Online and Live Customer Advisory Boards

♦ – KD Pet Boutique—various pages

♦ – “Wayne Lewis Lesser, Wayne’s World, Wayne’s Words“

Academics—College Applications, Dissertations, Essays, Theses, References

Posted on by

College Applications, Etc.

5-STARS, March 16, 2022, Statement of Purpose
PhD SOP Writing Revising—Abe Faz

5-STARS, November 14, 2020, College Application for the University of Maryland
College Application Write-Up, “Great work. Hired to edit an essay and she was great at recognizing grammar mistakes. Quick turnaround time and very responsive.”—Pedro Rubio

Essays and Assignments

5-STARS, September 30, 2021, Academic Essays
Proofread 2 short essays, “Diane was very quick, efficient, professional, and thorough. Her editing skills and suggestions enhanced and streamlined my writing quality. She was able to maintain my voice while making the message concise and easy to read. I have several other projects on my schedule and I both recommend and plan to use her skills in the future.”—April and Dane Abegg

5-STARS, October 26, 2019, Academic Paper
“Great communication and work ethics.” —Bei Li, Beixi Li

5-STARS, November 15, 2019, Academic Paper
Academic Proofreading “Good work on Editing and Proofreading. Excellent Communication.”—Bei Li, Beixi Li

5-STARS, February 2021 to 2023
Proofreading —Theresa Bradtke

5-STARS, October 23, 2021, Articles for School Newsletter
Final Pass Copyedit 4 articles and an interview using a 1-page style guide, “”It was an absolute pleasure working with Diane. Her communication is fantastic, she has a lovely sense of humor, her work is impeccable, and she is conscious of time. She went above and beyond for this job. I have been looking for a quality copyeditor, and I am so delighted to have found Diane, I am excited to work with her again in the future.”—Kay Cee

5-STARS, March 11, 2021, Admissions Essay
Pharmacy School Admissions Essay, “Diane is such an understanding individual and her work is amazing! She is a open communicator, giving back good feedback. Diane is also available whenever one has a question and is great at deadlines!”—Michelle Ch.

5-STARS, August 1, 2021
English proofreader for a 90 character text, “Diane was very reliable and fast.”—Rita Frenkle

5-STARS, November 27, 2020
Tutor and Editing Grad psychology paper, “Diane Was amazing to work with. She knows her work well. Diane Went well above and beyond what she said she would do. She communicated very clearly and was a pleasure to work with. Oh and she has a good sense of humor.”—Isaac Perlstein

5-STARS, March 27, 2021, Essay
Academic paper proofreading and editing, “Diane is very detail-oriented and efficient. The job was finished before the deadline. She is thorough in fact-checking, polishing language, correcting grammar, and ensuring stylistic consistency. Diane is very communicative and pleasant to work with. I will go back to her again.”—Sharon Wang

♦ – “Native Soil of Postmemory and Affective Archives in Wu Ming-Yi’s The Stolen Bicycle” by Chialan Sharon Wang

Dissertations and Master’s Theses

5-STARS, January 2, 2020, True Life Church Dissertation
Finalizing a doctorate in Christian Ministry need writer/editor to finalize, “Diane, is very professional and cares about your work. She will provide feedback as well as give useful tips for making your protect better. If she says yes to your project, you should say yes to her help.”—Rev. Darius Holland

5-STARS, April 01, 2021, Editing and APA References
Editor for APA 7 References, “She is awesome, and does an amazing job!!! She finished my References in a timely matter, and communicates well!!!”

5-STARS, October 5, 2021
Editing and proofreading dissertation manuscript, “”Diane was such a pleasure to work with and provided timely and really thoughtful feedback! I would definitely recommend her for any help with dissertations or paper editing. Thank you for all your hard work, Diane!”—Khushminder K. Zenda (Andy Tack)

♦ – “Analyzing the Impact of Known Barriers to Treatment on Both Dominant Culture and Minority Parents’ Satisfaction with Their Children’s Psychotherapy” by Khushminder K. Zenda (Andy Tack)

♦ – “Evaluating an interprofessional ergonomic intervention for Dental Hygiene students” by LaShonna M. Knight

5-STARS Dec 12, 2017 – Dec 14, 2017
Need Help with my MFA Thesis Documentation—”I had Diane helped with my thesis writing and it turns out great! Diane was able to answer my questions appropriately, her response was always on time and helpful. Highly recommended.”—Yeseul Son

♦ –”Evolution of Garamond: An Interactive Timeline Demonstrating the Evolution of Garamond” by Yeseul Son

♦ – “The Politics of Waves: A Transnational and Cultural Surfing History of Popoyo, Nicaragua” by Jason Old

References/Bibliography

5-STARS, December 17, 2020
Academic writer needed for textbook chapter formatting and JAMA citations, “Diane was a dream to work with. She was communicative, professional, and (most importantly) she did a flawless job on my academic manuscript project. Her expertise is so apparent. She went above and beyond what I expected, taking care of references, formatting, grammar, etc. in my manuscript – most of which I hadn’t even thought of! I am so grateful for her work, and because of her I am proud to submit my manuscript. I will definitely be hiring Diane for all future academic, editing, and proofing projects. Thank you, Diane!”—Kayli Anderson

♦ –”Optimal Nutrition” Chapter 1 by Kayli Anderson, Kaitlyn Pauly, Debra Shapiro, and Vera Dubovoy in Improving Women’s Health across the Lifespan, Boca Raton: CRC Press, 2021.

5-STARS, November 16, 2020
Editor assistance adding appropriate citation style for journal publication, “Absolutely fantastic. Will use again.”—Jai Collier

♦ – “Not without Hope” by Jai Collier

5-STARS July 23, 2020, CMOS
Format References to Chicago Style. “Diane got the job done!!! Very professional and customer oriented to ensure satisfaction. Job well done!!!”—Derrick Darden

5-STARS December 6, 2019–December 10, 2019
Editing references for an academic journal article “Diane is a very talented editor and did a great job for me with in-text citations and end references. She also has a meticulous attention to detail and without asking (or requiring payment), fixed a lot of grammatical and punctuation problems in my chapter. I will definitely hire her again for another project.”—Allison Ellis

♦ – AMLE Style—BUSINESS SCHOOLS AND THE ROLE OF THE EXECUTIVES’ WIVES by Allison Elias and R. P. Amdam

5-STARS December 17, 2019 to March 27, 2020
Endnotes research, writing, and formatting.—Cliff Goldmacher

♦ – CMOS—The Reason for the Rhymes:Masstering the Seven Essential Skills of Innovation by Learning to Write Songs by Cliff Goldmacher

♦ – JAMA/AMA—“Optimal Nutrician for Women,” in Improving Women’s Health Across the Lifespan by Kayli Anderson,Kaitlyn Pauly, Debra Shapiro, and Vera Dubovoy

♦ – CMOS—The Enemy in the Bush by Derrick C. Darden

♦ – NLM Citations, “Evaluating an interprofessional ergonomic intervention for Dental Hygiene students” by LaShonna M. Knight

Journal Articles

Posted on by

♦ – “A Bird’s-Eye View of Colonias Hosting Forgotten Americans and Their Community Resilience in the Rio Grande Valley” by Dean Kyne

♦ – “A New Strategy for Rejuvenating Primary Healthcare: The Government—Society Partnership Model” by Siddarth S. Kasi

♦ – “‘A Patchwork of Data Systems’: Quilting as an Analytic Lens and Stabilizing Practice for Knowledge Infrastructures” by Andrea Thorner and Alexandria J. Rayburn

♦ – “A Postphenomenological Perspective On the Changing Nature of Work” by Anastasia Seergeva

♦ –”An Exploratory Study on the Association between Community Resilience and Disaster Preparedness in the Rio Grande Valley” by Dean Kyne

♦ – “Education for Adult English Language Learners in the United States: Trends, Research, and Promising Practices” by Kirsten Schaetzel and Sarah Young

5-STARS, October 28, 2020
APA Editing needed. “Great job, quick turn around.”—Gioia Jacobson

♦ –”Climate Change for Clinicians” by Gioia Jacobson

♦ – “In the name of love: Female impasses within capitalist logic in Lou Ye’s The Shadow Play” by Chialan Sharon Wang

5-STARS, November 16, 2020
Editor assistance adding appropriate citation style for journal publication, “Absolutely fantastic. Will use again.”—Jai Collier

♦ – “Not without Hope” by Jai Collier

♦ – “School counselor’s role in recognizing and addressing eating disorders in the Fairbanks Northstar Borough School District” by Joyce Widman

♦ – “Shortening the  Supply Chain through Smart Manufacturing and Green Technology” by Pandwe Aletha Gibson

♦ – “The Path Forward for Myanmar’s Spring Revolution” by Dean Kyne

♦ – “This is Why I Leave: Race and Voluntary Departure”   by Adina Sterling

5-STARS, August 17, 2021
Proofread specialist for an academic paper of about 13000 words, “This is the third time I worked with Diane. As always, she is detail-oriented and very clear about her edits. Very helpful and knowledgeable suggestions. She also finished the job much sooner than required.”—Sharon Wang

♦ – “To Love and Freedom: Post-martial Law Subjectivity in Detention and Your Name Engraved Herein” by Chialan Sharon Wang

♦ –Understanding Associations between Disasters and Sustainability, Resilience, and Poverty: An Empirical Study of the Last Two Decades by Dean Kyne and and Dominic Kyei

♦ – “Why Developers Matter: The Case of Patient Portals” by Anastasia Sergeeva

♦ – “Willingness to Prepare for Disasters Among Individuals with Disabilities: An Essential Component for Building Disaster Resiliency” by Dean Kyne

Books

Posted on by

Fiction

♦ – EXCELLENCE by Raj Davis

♦ – The Timkers by WR Vaughn

Nonfiction

Book of Short Stories, March 2020
“Diane is awesome! I know that as a writer I should be able to express myself in more colorful language but I can’t help what first comes to mind when I think about my experience with her. Going into this project I lacked confidence and I was afraid that I did not have what took to be a successful writer. As we combed through my stories with a fine toothed comb, she praised what I did well and EXPLAINED where I went wrong. I love working with Diane because she is not overbearing with her suggestions and her ability to educate while correcting parallels to being back in a freshman writing course. It feels that she enjoys what she is doing and not in it to simply make extra money. Diane is the first editor that I’ve ever worked with and unless she gets rid of me, she will be the last.”—Deante Lavender

♦ –Building Minds by Dr Parul Minhas, Prakash Nair , Kevin Bartlett 

5-STARS, June 13, 2020
Creating a bibliography from a book draft. “Brilliant! Very helpful, honest, and hardworking. Diane gave my project the highest level of care and attention.”—Dr. Sunil K. Raheja

♦ – Dancing with Wisdom: A Sacred Quest to Restore Meaning, Purpose and Fun to Your Life and Work by Dr. Sunil K. Raheja

♦ – Debt Free Dreams: Plan for a Carefree, Abundant Future Full of Possibilities by Julie Brown

5-STARS, September 17, 2021, Bloomsbury Academic
Convert style of an academic book chapter from APA to Chicago Style (approx. 7000 words), “Diane was honest, quick and accurate!”—Cathryn Mango

♦ – “Educational Leaders Becoming: A Virtual Community of Practice as Assemblage(s)” by Cathryn Mango and Anna Becker in Comparative and International Education (Re)Assembled, Florin D. Salajan (ed), tavis d. jules (ed), Bloomsbury Academic, 2023.

♦ – FROM RAILYARDS TO HIGH-RISES: A HISTORY OF CHICAGO’S ILLINOIS CENTER, THE NEW EAST SIDE, AND LAKESHORE EAST by Craig A. Hutson

♦ – How to Manage Diabetes: A Holistic Approach by Michael Hofer

♦ – Hush and Do by Jay Timothy Hairston, II

5-STARS, July 12, 2019 to November 2, 2020
Biography Edit(s). “Diane’s work is prompt and professional. She’s an asset to anyone’s work.”—Scot Barbour

5-STARS, November 28, 2020, Life Force Communications Grant Booklet
Review the Final Booklet and Cover Letter, “”I truly enjoyed working with Diane. I feel like I have someone on my team.”—Mona Hennein

♦ –Malfunkshun: The Andrew Wood Story by Scot Barbour

♦ – Nothing But Bread and Water: Reflections from an Exile by Nancy Robinson

♦ – Sacred Sendoffs: An Animal Chaplain’s Advice for Surviving Animal Loss, Making Life Meaningful, and Healing the Planet by Sarah Bowen

5-Stars January 9, 2019
Self Help Book Editor and Writer, “Diane was an exceptional and dependable editor.”
—by Marcella M. Atwater

♦ –Professional Janitor: The Lessons Learned Building a $19 Million Cleaning Company by Jordan Tong

♦ – The Comfort Method: Build a Meaningful Relationship in 7 Simple Steps by Marcella M. Atwater

♦ – The Evolutionary Tarot by Richard Hartnett, H.W., M.

5-STARS February 1, 2020 to September 3, 2020
Need an editor for a short story. “Diane was exceptional during the whole process and very patient. She had no problem walking me through everything and helping me to understand where I was struggling. I look forward to working with her on future projects. I would recommend her to anyone. Professional, knowledgeable, and helpful on every level. Hire Diane you won’t regret it!”—Godfrey (Charlie) Vincent

♦ – The Image Of God by Godfrey Vincent

♦ – The New Old Gods by Richard Hartnett

♦ – These Green “Supertank” Printers Are A Good Investment For Your Business by Kate Harrison

♦ – What You Need to Know About Auto Insurance in Pennsylvania by Eric Chaffin and Patrick Booth

Children’s Books

♦ – Mermaid Adventures—Battle of the Trenchcoats by Donald Stidham

♦ – Mermaid Adventures—The Revenge of Captain Pointy Teeth by Donald Stidham

5-STARS, August 14, 2018
I Need a Children’s Picture Book Editor, “Wow! I can’t believe how quickly Diane worked and how professional she was toward me. She made it clear that this was my work and that her suggestions were to strictly be helpful. I cannot express just how appreciative I am to have gotten such excellent advise and properly edited product back so quickly. And, I can honestly say her advise improved the final story…… thank you so much!“—Jack Meyer

♦ – Jake the Sneezing Snake by Jack Meyer

Book Formatting

♦ – Looking Both Ways: Two Men Face War by Wil. I. Jackson

♦ – The Holy Spirit: Methods and Ministry by Robert Keprta (Author used his own formatting style)

Book Reviews

♦ – “Fairies, Myths, & Magic: A Summer Celebration” by Vasti Quiroz-Vega

♦ – “Leech” by Vasti Quiroz-Vega

♦ – “Oskar’s Quest” Vasti Quiroz-Vega

♦ – “Situation Z“ by Vasti Quiroz-Vega

♦ – “Stage 3“ by Vasti Quiroz-Vega

♦ – “The Bone Wall” by Vasti Quiroz-Vega

♦ – “The One Revealed” by Vasti Quiroz-Vega

♦ – “The Rise of Gadreel” by Vasti Quiroz-Vega

Short Stories

♦ – “Welcome to St. Joseph,” in Aperion One by Efrain de Choudens

William Golding

Posted on by

There is nothing spectacular about the punctuation in this sentence. However, the breaks with the commas, those phrases, cut up the thought of the complete sentence almost as an introduction to what was to come that was so sweetly unexpected. And how often do we see “whelming?” Webster’s Unabridged has two meanings for this, and either or both could fit in this case:  “b. to engulf or overcome in the manner of a storm or flood with usually disastrous effect”; “c.: to overcome in thought or feeling .”

The sentence fits here because there is so much thought and emotion wrapped up in so little space that, for me, I would class it as artistry. 

“They accepted the pleasures of morning, the bright sun, the whelming sea and sweet air, as a time when play was good and life so full that hope was not necessary and therefore forgotten.“

Kathleen Alcott

Posted on by

“I had stepped, wittingly and not, into a new image: a distraction in pale green sequins, passing out of the revolving doors of midtown buildings with the last dinosaurs of publishing, old white men who taught me how to order a martini and from whose fiction mine seemed descended as they touched my knees.”

I love sentences that paint a picture and tell a story. Alcott has managed to do both with this sentence. The colon stops the action of the woman stepping almost seemingly from one era into another. The dress is elegant and symbolic of a time period when people did dress to go downtown or anywhere for that matter. The last dinosaurs of publishing brought to mind when writing a book and getting it published was really special. It was a big deal. It meant something that put an author into another league altogether. And the old white men buying drinks and fondling knees certainly is from a time when that sort of thing, along with swats on the backside were normal and ignored for the most part in society.

This one sentence is so rich and full of life that I can’t seem to let it go.

Kathleen Alcott, “Trapdoor,” Harper’s Magazine. (December 2023). https://harpers.org/archive/2023/12/trapdoor/

Thrity Umrigar

Posted on by

Book: The Space Between Us by Thrity Umrigar

This sentence is passionately rich, full, and, oh, so meaningful.  I’ve not run across an explanation of loss quite like this before.

I wanted to bring to your attention, for those of you interested in punctuation, the use of dashes here.  They are set up to highlight a beautifully constructed list, accenting the main sentence, of how grief can change the physical features in all of us.  Brilliant construction!  Brilliant sentence.  (The book is really good too.) 


Or perhaps it is that time doesn’t heal wounds at all, perhaps that is the biggest lie of them all, and instead what happens is that each wound penetrates the body deeper and deeper until one day you find that the sheer geography of your bones—the angle of your head, the jutting of your hips, the sharpness of your shoulders, as well as the luster of your eyes, the texture of your skin, the openness of your smile—has collapsed under the weight of your griefs.


The author always has poetic license.  Had this been a passage that I was editing, I would have separated the complete clauses at the beginning of the passage as such.


  1. Or perhaps it is that time doesn’t heal wounds at all; perhaps that is the biggest lie of them all; and instead what happens is that each wound penetrates the body deeper and deeper until one day you find that the sheer geography of your bones—the angle of your head, the jutting of your hips, the sharpness of your shoulders, as well as the luster of your eyes, the texture of your skin, the openness of your smile—has collapsed under the weight of your griefs.

  2. Or perhaps it is that time doesn’t heal wounds at all; perhaps that is the biggest lie of them all, and, instead, what happens is that each wound penetrates the body deeper and deeper until one day you find that the sheer geography of your bones—the angle of your head, the jutting of your hips, the sharpness of your shoulders, as well as the luster of your eyes, the texture of your skin, the openness of your smile—has collapsed under the weight of your griefs.

Some people might add an extra comma after instead: “; and instead, what”.

Works Cited

Umrigar, Thrity. The Space Between Us. HarperCollins E-books. Kindle Edition, 2009, p. 67.

Angus Wilson

Posted on by

I chose Wilson’s sentence because it is just fun.  This is another sentence that paints a whole scene, putting the reader right in the middle of the action.

“She looked mad, absolutely round the bend, standing in a filthy bare hall on ragged linoleum under the dismal light of one feeble, fly-brown, naked bulb, casually dispensing thousands of pounds.”  Angus Wilson, No Laughing Matter, 401

The sentence is another from Virginia Tufte’s Artful Sentences, page 34.  She explains that “linking-verb kernels, too, may be held intact, as in the opening clause of the following [above] right-branching sentence.”

* * *

Right-branching sentences start with the main sentence, in this case: “She looked mad.”  The following information describing said sentence then follows: “absolutely round the bend, standing in a filthy bare hall on ragged linoleum under the dismal light of one feeble, fly-brown, naked bulb, casually dispensing thousands of pounds.”

If you are interested in learning more about linking verbs, the following link is pretty comprehensive. 

Linking verbs:

  • Show a relationship between the subject and the sentence complement, the part of the sentence following the verb
  • Connect or link the subject with more information – words that further identify or describe the subject
  • Identify a relationship or existing condition

This site provides a whole list of linking verbs.  https://grammar.yourdictionary.com/parts-of-speech/verbs/linking-verbs.html

Kernel Sentence: a sentence (such as “John is big” or “John has a book”) exemplifying in a language one of a very small group of the grammatically simplest sentence types or patterns (such as noun phrase + be + adjective phrase or noun phrase + verb + noun phrase) which in transformational grammar are the basic stock from which all sentences in that language are derived and in terms of which they can all ultimately be described (Webster’s Unabridged).

or

Kernel Sentence Patterns: noun-verb, noun-verb-noun, noun-verb-noun-noun, noun linking-verb noun, and noun linking-verb adjective (Dechant).

* * *

Works cited:

Dechant, Emerald. Understanding and Teaching Reading: An Interactive Model. Routledge. 1991.

 “Kernel Sentence.” Merriam-Webster Unabridged. 2019.  https://www.merriam-webster.com/help/citing-the-dictionary

“Linking Verbs.” Your Dictionary. Love to Know, Corp. 2019.

Tufte, Virginia. Artful Sentences. Graphics Press, LLC.  2006

Wilson, Angus. No Laughing Matter.  Faber & Faber.  2012.