Author Archives: Diane Walters

Gore Vidal

Posted on by

Favorite Passage

From Artful Sentences by Virginia Tufte—page 28.

This sentence has so much emotion tied into it that it almost feels like I have watched the movie already.  The first part of the sentence has such strong movement, rhythm, pacing, created by the confusion, the rain, the lightning—and then, it stopped. 

The juxtaposition of the semicolon here commands the stop.  It also allows the movement to carry on in a related, yet different thread.  Maybe the reality isn’t reality at all.  Maybe the man is dreaming? 

And, then he is brought out of his misshapen, perceived reality, brought back into the present moment with the confirmation of his suspicions brought forth by a lover’s moan.

The point of this sentence is to show how a short intransitive verb can drive a point home after a long passage with force and conviction.  He fled.

“He stood in the rain, unable to move, not knowing if the lovers were real or simply creations of the lightning and when it stopped, they stopped; unless of course he was dreaming one of those dreams from which he would awaken in that pain which is also sharpest pleasure, having loved in sleep. But the cold rain was real; so was the sudden soft moan from the poolhouse door. He fled.” (Gore Vidal, Washington, D.C.)

Tufte, Virginia. Artful Sentences. Graphics Press. 2007

Vidal, Gore. Washington D.C., Vintage Books. 2000

If I were editing the sentence, I would have done this:

“He stood in the rain [no comma to continue flow] unable to move, not knowing if the lovers were real or simply creations of the lightning, [comma added to separate the new complete clause starting with and.] and when it stopped, they stopped; unless of course he was dreaming one of those dreams from which he would awaken in that pain, [comma added for the dependant clause starting with which.] which is also sharpest pleasure, having loved in sleep. But the cold rain was real; so was the sudden soft moan from the poolhouse door. He fled.” (Gore Vidal, Washington, D.C.)

“He stood in the rain unable to move, not knowing if the lovers were real or simply creations of the lightning, and when it stopped, they stopped; unless of course he was dreaming one of those dreams from which he would awaken in that pain, which is also sharpest pleasure, having loved in sleep. But the cold rain was real; so was the sudden soft moan from the poolhouse door. He fled.” (Gore Vidal, Washington, D.C.)

Note that a dash would have worked as well for “. . . sudden soft moan from the poolhouse door—he fled.” However, I think the period is the way to go here to add the abruptness to the shock he was feeling.

Baldwin, James

Posted on by

Of all the sentences I have read, these remain my favorite (despite the punctuation problems).

From “Sonny’s Blues”

 “These boys, now, were living as we’d been living then, they were growing up with a rush and their heads bumped abruptly against the low ceiling of their actual possibilities.”

2016 – James Baldwin’s short story Sonny’s Blues represents a time in America where getting a decent job was really difficult for African Americans. 

Baldwin, James. “Sonny’s Blues.” The Oxford Book of American Short Stories. Ed. Joyce Carol Oates. The Ontario Review: New York, 2013 Google Books 482-514 Web. 8 Mar 2016.

Nature in the Camp

Posted on by

By Reza Visual Academy Photographers, Writers

In Iraqi Kurdistan, Syrian refugees are living in the Kawergosk Camp (near the city of Erbil) after fleeing the war in their home country.

In December 2013, 20 of them, aged 10 to 15, joined a photography workshop initiated by the photo-reporter Reza Deghati to learn to bear witness to their daily life. Armed with cameras furnished by Reza[D1] , they studied how to look at things while discovering the dramatic impact images can have. They also learned how to use photography to tell about one’s life, one’s dreams, one’s sorrows.

One of their assignments was to capture images of nature in the camp as a way to raise awareness about the importance of preserving nature — even in such a tough environment.

The weather conditions in this region of the world are difficult in both summer and winter, ranging from severe droughts to mud everywhere. The refugees there still try to grow . . . (read complete article here).

 

Editing Examples

Posted on by

The customer requested that he wanted to create a presentation flyer to present to new customers.  Below you will see the original.  Following that—the finished flyer. Please note that there are not a lot of examples here because all the work is copyrighted.  If you’d like a sample, please contact me.

Original Copy for Clubbing411

We are an online entertainment directory, providing more services than any other social media site can offer. Clubbing411 is designed to give your events and amenities the most exposure .  .  .  .  .  store and organize your venue’s content while giving your events and amenities the most exposure.

We are providing services more than any other social media site can offer.

With our built in technology, we can make all of your deals and amenities stand out to the right crowd, and users can find things that caters to their preferences conveniently.

Whether if consumers are looking for some place for lunch, dinner, or nightly activity, clubbing411 can help organize, store, and promote your content efficiently. Our job is to help provide a full picture of what your event has entailed for the end receiver.

Clubbing411 is revamping the formidable ways of online promotions.

This is what they see

And how we can make everything about your event stand out to it’s fullest potential

Another feature is our photo gallery.

We make it simple for consumers to find what all your events are about and what you have to offer.

Talk about your traffic and email blasts:

We cover all neighboring area of your location.We cover Hollywood, Los Angeles, Pasadena, Orange county, and in the Inland empire.

RATES:

  • Our rates reflect based upon the days of operation on a monthly basis.
  • Events: one a month, like a rave $25
  • Weekly events
  • 1 day out of the week- (Every Friday): $50
  • 2 days out of the week- (Every Friday and Saturday): $100
  • 3 days out of the week- (Every Thurs, Fri , and Sat): $150
  • 4 days out of the week- (Every Weds, Thurs, Fri, and Sat): $200
  • Everyday- (Mornings &/or evenings) $250
  • If you promote at least 7 events in a week $400
  • Optional: if you have your own photographer, and would like to send us your weekly gallery to the events we store, will be $100 a month.
  • Requesting for one of our photographers will be $150 per event (Prices may vary depending on location)

Closing statement:

Why 20 different sites/apps to do the same thing? Why not invest your money into one site that does everything?

We guarantee to bring the right demographics and fresh new faces to each and all of your events.

In addition to the event postings, Clubbing411 does provide photo coverage and videography to help give your events the best perspective of what your consumers can have, if they attend your any of your events.

Please give me a call and find out what I can do to help you maximize your nightlife!

Finished Copy for Clubbing411

We are an online entertainment directory that is fun to use while providing more services than any other social media site can offer. Clubbing411 is designed to give your events and amenities the most exposure. With our built-in technology, all of your events, deals, and amenities will stand out to exactly the right crowd. The perk here is, users can conveniently find “things to do” that will cater to their preferences—whether it be a place for lunch, dinner, or a fun night on the town—Clubbing411 makes a day out on the town accessible within minutes.

The site is lively yet easy on the eyes. Your gallery picture will pop off the screen in brilliant colors to capture your audience. People searching for venues can sort by “Event Type,” “DEALS,” and even the type of “CROWD” they want to hang out with. The spectacular graphics make searching for the perfect “thing to do,” well . . . addicting.

Clubbing411 is revamping the formidable ways of online promotions by organizing and storing your event information—offering you a great way to promote your event content, simply and efficiently, by giving your audience an easily accessible platform that is visually appealing with information that is easy to find and great looking photos.

We guarantee to bring the right demographics and fresh new faces to each and all of your events.

In addition to the event postings, Clubbing411 provides expert photo coverage and videography to help give your personalized-events page the best perspective for what your consumers can expect when they attend your any of your events.

Please give me a call and find out what I can do to help you maximize your summer boat party, dance lessons, lunch out, or live performances in for a fabulous nightlife!

{ADD YOUR INFO HERE!}

We cover all the neighboring areas of your location.

We cover Hollywood, Los Angeles, Pasadena, Orange County and in the Inland Empire.

RATES
Our rates are based on the days of operation on a monthly basis.

  • Events: one a month, like a rave $25
    • Weekly events
    • 1 day out of the week—(Every Fri.): $50
    • 2 days out of the week—(Every Fri. and Sat.): $100
    • 3 days out of the week—(Every Thurs., Fri. , and Sat.): $150
    • 4 days out of the week—(Every Weds., Thurs., Fri., and Sat.): $200
    • Every Day—Mornings and/or Evenings $250
    • If you promote at least 7 events in a week: $400
  • Optional: If you have your own photographer and would like to send us your weekly gallery: $100 a month.
    • Requests for one of our photographers: $150 per event (Prices may vary depending on location.)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Why use 20 different sites/apps to do the same thing? Why not invest your money into one great-looking site that does everything? We guarantee to bring the right demographics and fresh new faces to each and all of your events.

Please give me a call and find out what I can do to help you maximize your nightlife!  

{ADD YOUR INFO HERE!}

EDITING ~ Completed Works

Posted on by

Wise Owl

The Wise Owl by Cornelis Bloemaert (Dutch, 1603-1684)
Caption reads: “What good is candle or glasses when the owl does not wish to see.”
Accessed from: Wikimedia Commons – Uil met bril en boeken

Only works that have been published or acknowledged by the author have been listed here. There are many more examples of editing that cannot be listed here due to copyright. The works below that have been published may not represent the editing suggestions I had made on the manuscripts. Try as one might, ultimately it is up to the author decide to what changes are made to their manuscripts. 

♥ – Books

♥ – Journal Articles

♥ – Academics: Dissertations, Essays, Theses, References

♥ – Websites and Other Content

Miscellaneous Reviews

5—Stars! October 9, 2018—writing proofreading “5 Stars! Highly Recommended“—Hongwei Huang

Consumer Reports Speaks Up About Hearing Loss

Posted on by

The Consumer Reports’ article “No More Suffering in Silence” is a welcome addition to the hearing-loss community, the staff at lessersoundapp.com believes.  As many of us know, the resources for the average H.I.P* and

vintage_beltone_mono-pac_model_m_-melody-_hearing_aid_vacuum_tube_unit_circa_1950_8638884782
Photo Credit: Wikipedia Commons File: Vintage Beltone Mono-Pac, Model M “Melody” Hearing Aid, Vacuum Tubed Unit, Circa 1950 (8638884782).jpg

H.A.R.P.* are greatly unattainable for most in the U.S. — the number one resource being lack of information.  There just isn’t enough quality information out there.

Wayne Lesser, creator of the lessersound app, knows firsthand that hearing loss isn’t a self-contained problem.  As a young twelve-year-old boy, he watched as his sister was fitted with her first hearing aids: “a large ugly thing, about the size of a deck of cards with wires connecting the ear buds.  She was profoundly hearing impaired.”  At the time, no one thought to check his hearing.  He did the best he could throughout his education at school, struggling to hear, faking it a lot of the time.  (See Wayne’s Story.)  He knows how it can affect family members, loved ones, coworkers, and everyone else who tries to communicate with a H.I.P or H.A.R.P. person.  It contributes to a person’s happiness and well-being to be able to hear well.  Consumer Reports’ writer Julie Calderone has concerns about this as well.  “This widespread problem [hearing loss] is associated with depression, isolation, and possibly, dementia.  We report on affordable solutions and what’s being done to give everyone access to treatment.”

The National Institutes of Health (NIH) reports, “. . . about 28.8 million U.S. adults could benefit from using hearing aids.”  Consumer Reports surveyed their subscribers to see how the numbers fell.  “Almost half of the 131,686 Consumer Reports subscribers surveyed for our 2015 Annual Fall Questionnaire reported having trouble hearing in noisy environments, yet only 25 percent had their hearing checked in the previous year.  And according to research published in the Archives of Internal Medicine, just 14 percent of those who could benefit from hearing aids actually use them.”  Lesser agrees.  “There is a risk of hearing loss for everyone through exposure to loud sound who is not already hearing impaired.  People don’t understand or appreciate the substantial hazard of exposure to dangerous sound levels in their environment that causes the tiny hair cells in the ears to die.”

Calderone explains why the numbers are so high for people who need their hearing checked and haven’t bothered.  “A common one, according to National Academies of Science (NAS), President’s Council of Advisors on Science and Technology (PCAST), and others, is that they can’t afford it.  NAS reports that hearing aids cost an average of $4,700 per pair in 2013 and can climb to almost twice that price.”  That’s not taking into consideration the cost of the doctor’s visits or that hearing aids are generally not covered by insurance or Medicare.

A lower-cost alternative to hearing aids is becoming more popular in personal sound amplification products (PSAPs).  These devices can be bought over the counter without a prescription.  The cost range is anywhere from around $18 to $740.  Working similarly to the concept of a Bluetooth device, the unit fits around the ear and amplifies sound.  Unlike hearing aids, they don’t perform well in lowering feedback noise.  Consumer Reports tested four of these units with three volunteers who had mild-to-moderate hearing loss.  “We found that the higher-end PSAPs helped some of our volunteers hear better, especially while watching TV.”  (Get details on the results of our tests at “Are OTC Hearing Helpers Any Good?”)

Avoidance of loud noises is still a strong preventative measure in protecting your hearing.  The question is how loud is too loud?  With the lessersound app at lessersoundapp.com (nominated as one of the top three finalists in the 2016 Appy Awards — medical category) you won’t have to wonder if the TV is too loud or all the chatter at the local restaurant is causing your hearing to fail.  A quick, simple download to your smartphone and you’ll be ready to test the safe-to-dangerous decibels levels and see the exposure time that leads to hearing loss anywhere you go.

*H.I.P. – hearing-impaired person
*H.A.R.P. – hearing-at-risk person

 

 

 

 

 

Lessersound and the Power of Woof

Posted on by

220px-basset_hound_with_baby

Basset Hound, Wikipedia .com

Did you know that both the bark of a dog and the noise of a subway have equal decibel ratings of 101?  Who would have thought a barking dog could harm your hearing?  What about falling asleep in front of the TV with the volume turned up?  Did you ever wonder about traffic, trains, or construction sites?

Wayne Lesser did.  As a child, he watched his little sister get fitted for state-of-the art hearing aids in the mid-1950s.  He claimed it was an ugly and scary thing about the size of a deck of cards with two wires leading to her ears.  It left a strong impression on him.  So did her huge smile—the moment they turned the unit on—she could actually hear the water running from the faucet that he was turning on and off .  It was a life-changing event in the family.

Dealing with his own hearing loss while growing up was challenging for him.  He wondered why people couldn’t do more to protect their hearing.  He wondered why no one was doing anything to educate people on how to protect the hearing they had and what the dangers were that everyone lives with every single day.

As years passed, still little has happened in society to educate people on how hearing loss occurs. He decided that someone had to start making a change in people’s lives to help them understand the importance of hearing health, and he might as well be the one to do it.  And, he did—with the lessersound app and the “Color of Sound” technology—making it to one of the top three final nominations for the 2016 Appy Awards for new medical technology. Take a look at his video.

WAFA’s Tina Lindgreen at Seeds&Chips Summit 2016

Posted on by

Various_grains

There’s more exciting news at WAFA!  Tina Lindgreen is honoured to be invited as keynote guest speaker at the Seeds&Chips-2016 summit (11-14 May) at Milan, Italy, on Saturday, 14 May 2016. The summit will host hundreds of exhibitors and guest speakers from across Europe and the US. The discussions will cover all aspects of food from the time it goes into the ground until it is put on the plate. Some of the topics will include climate change, environmental factors, lack of available resource, growing, processing, distribution, innovative new strategies, and many more ideas and conversations will be presented.

WAFA’s founder Tina Lindgreen along with Paul Vincent, co-founder and CEO of EnSo, and Ayrton Cable, founder and ambassador of WAF Youth Awards, will be introducing the opening of WAFA’s “call for applications” for the . . . (Read More Here)

LET THE CELEBRATION BEGIN!

Posted on by

clean-dirty drinking water

Photo Credit: Wikipedia via Flicker, Oxfam East Africa

It’s official!

Today the call for applications is “live” at WAF Awards. We are looking for people doing incredible things to help the less fortunate ones who are struggling in the areas of finding clean water to drink, clean air to breathe, and adequate healthy food to eat.  If you know of anyone who has devoted their lives to these causes, now is the time to speak up.  The nominations are open to anyone who wants to favor the good deeds of people who have practiced positive environmental change for at least two years.  Tell us.  Let us know who these modest heroes are.

Come!  Join us in creating the celebration of the 2016 WAF Awards.

Wayne Lewis Lesser, Wayne’s World, Wayne’s Words

Posted on by

In 1944, I was born to loving parents. I came into a world of what I call “lesser” sound—I was born hearing-impaired. As a kid, I did not know or did not pay attention to my lesser sound. While I did have regular hearing exams, my parents never indicated to me that I might have hearing loss. In truth, my parents were unaware of my hearing loss throughout my childhood.

My kid sister followed in 1945 and was profoundly hearing-impaired. For years, my family was not aware of her hearing loss, or its severity. At that point, my family still did not know about my hearing loss, either. My mom took my sister from doctor to doctor until one said that she was hearing-impaired and needed hearing aids. She was fitted with aids at age 11.

My sister’s hearing aid was ugly and scary. I remember when she put it on for the first time: a one-piece unit, the size of a deck of cards, with two wires connecting the large earbuds into her little ears. My mom turned it on. At that moment, I was fooling around with . . .(Read More Here).

Published in Hearing Health Blog – April 21, 2016